do you remember?

I think I have a memory problem. Well, I know I have some sort of blockage, because most of my pre-8th grade years are mostly a blur. I think I pin this on not really having a ton of friends, and also because of the hell that was my 4th grade year. But anyways, because of this, I really value any item from my past that has a memory attached to it. This valuing has led me to become a packrat of the highest order, with a room smaller than most dorm rooms filled with 22 years of memories. However, I can’t live in such a room. So for the past week or so (mostly today) I’ve been emptying this room of the items that hold the meanings and the memories of my life. I try to tell myself that it’s not the same as getting rid of the memories, but as I ran across a picture of the Flipmode Squad from High School, the last documented sighting of us all in the same place (at my graduation), and some items from way back then (95-99), I realized that while I may not have forgotten it all, I damn well feel like I’ve placed little to no value on it. My life is so different than it used to be. But as I run across a prom wine glass with some random saying inscribed on it, and a few toys that I used to play with in my pre-teen (and post-teen) years, I realize that what I’m really freaked out about right now is moving on, and creating something new for myself. I’m not really ashamed to say that right now, my situation sucks. I’m also not ashamed to say that I’m exceptionally scared about what the future holds. I feel like I have no clue what’s going to happen. It’s scary as hell. And getting rid of the things that have represented the past to me for so long isn’t necessarily the most comforting feeling on Earth. Sigh. I’d like to say I’m almost done with this huge undertaking, but I don’t think I’m even close. I have taken out 5 10-30 gallon trash bags of clothes. Yes, clothes. I have donated them all to the CRI (Community Resources Inc.) here in Ravenswood. Doing my part I guess. Maybe I’ll take some pictures of the room and post them up here. Anyways. I just get high strung about things like this. But now I feel better. So ignore this whole thing.