Lazy saturday

I had a four day week this week at work and yet I was still so tired I slept in an extra three hours this morning. I’ve been frustrated and just in the dumps lately, which I think makes me even more tired than normal. Sometimes, the reality of the world is just a bit too much to bear, when it comes to children and advantages that they may or may not receive.

Our school serves an odd cross-section of Oakland, drawing from Rockridge and North Oakland, the “old” and the “new” students respectively. Because of this the disparity between what the kids wear, eat and the help their parents can give is often so great its crushing. There are children with identical needs and symptoms but some can go to far more competent doctors, ending up with a dosage of medication that works the first time while others struggle with appointments, dosages, side-effects and absences. I don’t necessarily support the medicating of children, but in the past 5 months I’ve learned that last resorts often need to be turned to, more often than most of us would like. Without getting into specifics, there’s a chain of events in a person’s life that can determine the opportunities they have without any of their input. I’m seeing the results of the disparity and as an educator trying to mitigate what I can but it’s hard.

Topping this off is certain folks who are supposed to be helping who just aren’t doing their job. Incompetency is something I have trouble dealing with when you’re in a position that is supposed to helping those who simply cannot help themselves. It troubles me because you are not only failing at your job but you’re simply piling on top of a person who is already struggling against nearly insurmountable odds.

So that has me grumpy. My brother getting into graduate school is fucking rad, even though it means he’ll be leaving the Bay Area. Oakland to Ann Arbor sounds like a fun drive though, we’re thinking of making it the Lil’ Buddy’s final hurrah. I’ll drive him there and then drop off the LB in West Virginia, to live out the rest of his life up on blocks in the lower 40 at my parents’ house. We’ll see. Erin got a little Toyota Yaris that I haven’t seen yet. Those things are super cheap and super cute. I could do a car payment maybe…

Things are getting cramped in mine and Lucy’s apartment. I think sometimes we should move to a one bedroom instead of this studio even though it would be more moneys. I think it would make things easier, but she’s reticent. I think it might be because of the idea of a one-year lease and what that means relationship-wise but she won’t necessarily vocalize it that way. I think it might help some of the stresses that happen when two people (and a kitten) co-habitate in a space this size. We’ll see. It’s been a year and a month or so, which is baffling to me still. While things are up and down at times it still feels “right” to me. We’ll see how it goes.

My bike is pretty rad. I love riding to work and I think that the 7 miles I ride roundtrip every day are making me feel great. I need to go to the gym though. I had brunch with a good friend today and she was talking about how starting Krav Maga several years ago helped her eliminate weird feelings in herself. Maybe I should take some sort of aggressive class like that instead of focusing on weight lifting and my desire to take Yoga. I don’t think I’m necessarily someone who needs more getting in touch with my gentle side, perhaps I need to embrace more of my frustration and anger.

Anyways. The kitten and I are sitting here listening to Paul Baribeau bootlegs and in general just being “down.” I love days where I lose track of how long it’s been since I opened my mouth to speak. Silence is so enjoyable, especially when it’s my own.