Halloween is on Friday.
I just don’t get excited for it like most people. Maybe it’s because as I’ve become whatever it is that I am now, I am just more laid back, more reserved. The hassle of the costume, and the concept, and the partying and all that just doesn’t appeal to me. I am no fun, I know. I’m just not…I don’t know. My idea of fun has so diverged and gone towards solitary acts like reading a book, or small fun gatherings like movie watching, or something like that, that even being in Brew’s right now would probably intimidate and exasperate me. I guess that would be different, because I’d be surrounded the folks that I can totally let loose with, whether that means not saying a word at all or “singing” along with Livin’ on a Praya!.
So when it comes down to deciding which party to goto I feel horrible. Because it comes down to which person is going to be upset that I don’t go versus which person will be upset because it looks like I didn’t have fun while at their party. And I do have fun at parties. It’s just that I can have fun not talking to people and just mingling and interacting in my own way. I’m not socially inept, just socially bizarre.
I sometimes wish this would change, but not that often. I enjoy sitting at home, reading a book or watching a movie. It brings a great deal of comfort to know that I can do that and not feel the pressure from myself to be out trying to be someone that I’m not. I am a reserved person with simple wants. It just sucks that I have to let other people down to engage in those.
justinª